You're the one I want

'My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah'

Tonight was the night, the night he talks to my father about why he is back of his 4 years of absense. When I approached my dad in my soft and caring manner, asking about his day first before I plunge into the inevitable 'Papa, can I ask you something?'. A look, a look I'm very familiar with, the day I told him Kevin and I were together as a couple. Only this time, our eyes didn't meet and I felt a sudden gust of concern and worry flash through his mind. In the end, after my heart began to slow down to normal breathing pace, he said 'Sure'.

But, in unfortunate circumstances as tonight, when he says 'I'll tall to him later' ended up being ..well, when later? During this gruelling ordeal when I started growing a million more lines across my forehead, he was calm and prepared for anything. In the meantime, we finished our 'Entice' ice-cream from last week whilst glazing 'Too Fast Too Furious 3' on channel 10.

The unexpected night-time movie came up, and I chose the girliest of girliest movies I know. You guessed it, 'The Notebook' was totally up there! Is it strange that the last time I watched this movie was with Kev (when he visited Sydney in '05) and this movie was actually released on 2004?

There has to be a reason why this movie hit home for both of us, so many words unspoken were manifested by Noah and Ally. 'So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.' Why in so many scenes, we covered our mouth knowing that in reality, the exact same words were spoken and the same emotions felt. Why holding his hand throughout the movie made it the more worth while, and meaningful.

Noah: 'You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing' ...

I've never felt this way about anyone before. There has to be a reason why I feel whole when I'm with him.