Holidays - Day 10

I've been thinking a lot lately about last year, what I was doing at this time last year, what life was like last year, was I really happy last year...and my answers would somewhat go like - last year I had just finished the tormented 10 week block (unpaid, ouch --that is painful!) at Clare and searching aimlessly for any job vacancy in the Parra Diocese that needed a TAS and/or RE teacher, jobless with little cash, serving as Sector Head of NSW, and living one day at a time. Although through it all, I always knew in the back of my head...somehow something needed to change, that I was only ever living 60% on happiness and not the 100% that God had promised me. Sure, not only do things around me need to change, but so did I to achieve this 'happiness' that I once felt but never really found it again for many years. I wouldn't say my life before was a complete disaster full of sadness, emptiness or lonliness. Actually, it was the complete opposite. I found myself making more new friends and found one of my greatest friends who I think is a keeper (FMI, Joe). But still, why after so many years, after so many life changes, I was still waiting for him..

How hopeful must I have been to still be waiting for him. In our circumstances, I don't think any person who had a choice of partner, would ever choose to ruin another. Yet, something deep deep down inside of me just knew he would come back. And all I hoped for this return one day that I would be strong enough to be myself first of all, but be strong enough to accept him as him (and not his potential) and still find Christ in his heart. Funnily enough, I was. Just like what that author in the movie that we watched this afternoon called 'Finding Forrester' said: "The way to win a womens heart is by unexpected gifts in an unexpected time". And unexpected it was. Not just how we started, but also how he came back. I can still remember that night like it was yesterday.


One year ago...it doesn't seem very long yet so many things have happened that have almost broken me apart and at the same time made me whole. Tonight was another reminder of just how much closer, open, trusting, and loving the past year has molded us to become. I could sit with him staring into the sky, or the ocean or the Opera House without saying anything. I remember last year sitting at our favourite spot under the Bridge, I was still quite reserved and relunctant to open up to him, cos I know the more I did..the harder it would be to say goodbye again, if ever. But now, after being with him for 5 months, he is the only person I ever tell everything to. Slowly all my fears of showing him who I am is going away. And that's real love --not loving someone perfectly, but loving someone imperfect, perfectly.